Dear Amy: Our kids (19-year-old boy and 21-year-old girl) announced last night that they had gotten tattoos. They are no longer able to hide them because it's summer and they are wearing bathing suits.
We have no idea why they did this. They don't really have that kind of money to throw away, and they know how we feel about tattoos. It's not as if they made this choice while in drunken stupors; they planned it!
We just find this hard to believe. We feel we've done the right things to help them make good decisions.
In a few years when the ink starts to bleed, they may woefully regret what they did.
Both kids are studying for professional careers. We are paying for their schooling. Both kids have jobs and help pay for some expenses.
My husband feels that having tattoos decreases their chances of getting good jobs, as corporations can find out "everything" about prospective employees. He also feels that they are influenced by the wrong group of friends.
I disagree. I feel they are good kids overall who have made us proud in many ways. They are loyal, honest, smart and hardworking and have superb characters and integrity.
Also we're trying to determine a suitable punishment for spending that money and each making such a bad decision — making them pay for more of their way comes to mind. What do you think?
— Beside Ourselves
Dear Beside: I think you may be overreacting to or misreading the professional "risks" associated with having a tattoo.
Unless your offspring have tattoos which are obvious and visible (on their hands or necks, for instance), or unless they wear their bathing suits to a job interview, there's no reason their ink should hold them back professionally.
The most important point is that they have made a choice and will have to face the natural consequences of this choice.
If their tattoos hold them back professionally, they will face the option of having them removed.
They have disappointed you and your husband, and the consequence of that will be the knowledge that they have let down two people who love and trust them.
If they used money for these tattoos which should have been spent elsewhere, then they should repay you. After that, let it go.
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